I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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