you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
