My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
