the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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