so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
