Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ketchup is God's man juice
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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