This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
