Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
