He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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