I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
