You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
