My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
