Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
