i would punch a child for taco bell
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
