Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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