Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize