Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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