he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
