omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
