She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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