I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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