Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize