I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
this is an emotional support booty call
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
