Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
