Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
