i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
