I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
