im having a threesome with these popsicles
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
