hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
