I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
