Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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