it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
