the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
only you would photoshop your dick
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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