Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
