There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
