I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize