Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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