First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
