Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
