i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
