HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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