did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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