soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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