Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
