I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
