When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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