were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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