also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
