you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
