Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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