Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
