If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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