I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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