The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
