oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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