I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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