Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How external is "for external use only"?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
