Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
