Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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