Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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