If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
