Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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