Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
