Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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