they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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