I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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