My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
