I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
