brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
birth control should be required to get into college
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
