Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
