I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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