I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
