dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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