When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
