i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
